And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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