watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
