Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
