I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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