so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
