mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
