we have pet lesbian snakes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
