YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
