It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
