I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
