Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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