All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
