I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize