I just pynch a tree in the face
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
