So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
