its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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