Don't make out with my wife yet
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
