why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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