You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize