Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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