Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
