im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
