i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
