is your mom at the bar?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
