I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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