she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
