i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
