I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
