i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
