How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
