Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize