He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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