If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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