could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
