You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
