Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
