I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
