If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
