listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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