She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
