Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
