oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
