Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
