Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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