How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
