Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize