Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
