either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
