i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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