Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
