I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
