Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
