the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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