Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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