I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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