The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
