How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
