Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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