I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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