I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
