I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
