Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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