Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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