careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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