I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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