she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
