Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
