my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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