remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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