Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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