Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
