do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
