Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
