I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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