I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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