Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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