He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
