I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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