I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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