the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
