Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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