He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How does one acquire holy water?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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