I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
