I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
