i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
