Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
