I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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