i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
