After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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