Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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