The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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