pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
