I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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