I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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