I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
