the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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