Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
